I admit, I’ve missed blogging a little but I’m not back… I just wanted to write one last post, since this blog will cease to exist in just a few weeks. I am still writing, but instead of a daily blog, I’m working (even if slowly) on a book. Call me old-fashioned but there’s just something timeless about turning the pages of a book. Scrolling pages just doesn’t have the same effect, you know?

It’s not as easy to write as I wish though. Time is something that just escapes me every single day. I haven’t been completely unproductive though. Since my last blog post, here’s what I’ve been up to:

Halloween: Staying true to my tradition, I made Riley’s Halloween costume. She went as Ariel from The Little Mermaid and had the most fun a two year old could have. She went trick or treating twice plus had a party with her music class. I dealt with the anniversary of my mom’s death better than I imagined I would, I guess, but I’ll get to that later…

Marine Corps Ball: It’s hard to top a Ball in Vegas but we had a nice time. I was in love with my gown and the ceremony was quite nice. However, the best part of the whole thing was having room service the next morning with Matt. Don’t get me wrong, I was dying being away from Riley but since he had classes later that morning anyways, it wasn’t like we were going to get home to her sooner if we didn’t have breakfast!

Christmas: This year was better for us financially. Mostly because I had the sense to start saving earlier… and also because I had the sense (or not) to stay up till midnight on Thanksgiving to get all the awesome ONLINE Black Friday Deals. Also, we’re lucky to have such a grateful little girl. It would not have mattered what was under the tree, she was just so happy that Santa ate the cookies we made for him!

Our Anniversary: This was our 6 year wedding anniversary. We were dying to exchange gifts and when midnight rolled around, Matt couldn’t wait any longer and gave me my gift. Which of course, meant I had to give him his. That was fun and I still can hardly believe it’s been six years.

New Year’s: I love the “clean slate” feeling of the New Year and last year I set quite a few resolutions for myself. I looked over them sometime before New Year’s and I realized I hadn’t potty trained Riley yet, which was one of the goals. So… I did it in five days using The Potty Boot Camp. I’m not kidding. “Graduation Day” fell on December 31st and Miss Riley has been potty trained ever since. The only other resolution I didn’t stick to was my “regularly practice yoga” one. But one out of eleven isn’t bad and it’s not like I didn’t do yoga at all… just not as “regular” as I meant to.

This year’s resolutions are a little different. After my mom died, I felt something inside me change. Something that’s probably obvious within this blog. I felt like I was looking for something but wasn’t quite sure what it was. No matter how much clearing out and cleaning I did in my home, I didn’t feel my mind become any clearer. I still had so many questions and I felt very lost.

Then, in November one of my very best friends died. Just when I thought I was learning to cope with the grief of my mom’s death, someone else I loved died. It’s almost like a snowball effect. The hurt hasn’t gone away in just a year and now I have new pain to add to it. With this loss though, I’ve gained something. I feel as if all my questions have been answered and I’m no longer lost or afraid. Well, most days, anyways. I’m constantly fighting a battle with depression. Sometimes it’s not so easy to be brave and strong. Sometimes I lose all sense of time and only barely function. Thank God for Riley though. I’ve always known I would meet her and whether she’s helping me or I’m helping her is unknown but her existence in this world is sometimes all that keeps me going.

I don’t want to just barely get by though. If death has taught me anything is that we’re all here for a reason. I believe I’m on the right track in my life and I want nothing more than to learn and grow. I don’t want to let my life be wasted. This year when I made my resolutions, I asked myself ‘What matters?’ and went from there. It will be another year of learning, growing, and discovery. Sometimes it seems easier to be content with how far I’ve come already but I just cannot and I will not.

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live you life in a manner so that when you die the world cries and you rejoice." – Native American Proverb